The second city

Well, having my lovely Nokia 5800 shown up by the gayphone as basically rubbish on the London cultural day recently, I had high hopes for my new toy on this CD in Brum.



We left New Street station and both searched for Birmingham Museum and Art Gallery. Now I had cheated here and already added it to my favourites in Ovi Maps, but before that had even loaded up my cultural partner had directions up and running on Google Maps. I just gave up at this point, put my N97 in my pocket and sulked.
Yet again the gayphone impressed me beyond compare with its UI and ability, such a fantastic device, they are still not powerful enough for me though.
Anyway, on with the review.

New Street station must be the worst laid out station in the world and the information boards seem to be designed by symbian, so user unfriendly. (This is a geeky mobile phone gag)
I bought a local paper and apparently New Street is being renovated, thank fuck for that:
http://www.e-architect.co.uk/birmingham/birmingham_new_street_station.htm

The museum http://www.bmag.org.uk/ is a lovely venue (not a beautiful as Kelvingrove inside) and is very camera friendly.



Think there were only two rooms that photography wasn’t permitted. You are supposed to sign a waiver saying you won’t use the pictures for commercial use, but no one bothers you.



Really liked this sculpture (above), unfortunately I’m a mong and took a crap picture.





I’m more interested in the art side of things rather than the museum, and the modern arm of art in particular. There wasn’t a huge amount of this on show here, but my favourite exhibition was the West Midlands Open exhibition:
http://www.bmag.org.uk/events?id=558

We found an activity room with some wood cut blocks.



And what do you do with wood cut blocks? That’s right, you compose an offensive message to the bad tempered one.



My CP thinks this obsession with writing mo little love notes is pathetic, but that didn’t stop them using the blocks to write “mo”, they particularly liked the smiley in the “o”.

Culture box ticked, it was time for lunch. Lunch is always a bone of contention on CDs, because my CP tends to choose a shit restaurant (to be fair the Glasgow one was alright The Two Figs http://www.thetwofigs.co.uk/ ) so I put my foot down (I’m so macho ) and decided to go here:

http://www.cafesoya.co.uk/

I’d read some good reviews on it and it turned out to be very nice. Not worth going out your way though.

Travelodge again hosted us, and I picked this one near the canal:

http://www.travelodge.co.uk/search_and_book/hotel_overview.php?hotel_id=379

There’s one in Broad Street, but Broad Street is chav central. This one was newer, cleaner and actually had a decent bed. Thirty five quid as well, bargain.

Visited a couple of Birmingham landmark pubs in the afternoon. The Lord Clifden, a nice enough pub, with down to earth people:
http://www.thelordclifden.com/
And The Old Joint Stock Pub. A lovely space, but full of post work wankers when we went in. I hated it, mostly because a G&T and a pint of lager was near eight quid, robbing bastards.
http://www.oldjointstocktheatre.co.uk/rte.asp?id=10

Here are some places to avoid when drinking in Birmingham:
Brindley Place – Soulless chain store pubs near the canal.
Arcadian – Soulless chain store pubs in a shopping mall type complex.
Mailbox – Well, avoid it when all the bars are shut like it was when we went. Looked crap anyway.
Broad Street – Chav central

Now two places worth going. Island Bar seems to be an indie/rock cocktail bar, which was a first for me. There was good music, a general down at heel, grubby, studenty feel, and quite a young crowd.
http://www.bar-island.co.uk/



We sampled the cocktails (above), mine was the nettle (Samoan) cocktail on the right. Now it wasn’t described as nettle, but that’s what it tasted like, and my CP had the Cherry Mae in the middle.
Unfortunately we only had one cocktail as they shut at midnight.

Tried another bar but they were closing, the barman recommended the Tap and Spire for a late drink to us:
http://www.tapandspilebirmingham.co.uk/
What a star that barman was. Not only was it on the canal leading back to the hotel, but it was open until 4am.
We entered about 12:30 ish, and there were a few people in the bar and others dotted about the rest of the venue.
As time wore on and people were kicked out of closing bars it steadily filled up with the sort of people who have nothing better to do on a Wednesday night other than drink themselves into oblivion. (Hi-ya immo )
This was my sort of place, good cross section of drunks with that edge, which keeps you on your toes.

The CP said we weren’t allowed to stay until 4, which I thought was a bit unfair, but managed to string it out until 3am at which point I was informed I’d had enough. I bargained for a quick double vodka and ice, but unfortunately the barman gave me two double vodkas. I swear I didn’t order two on purpose. Now the drinking of the two, that I did on purpose.

It was pointed out I spent most of the trip back to the hotel walking into the canal wall, but I didn’t fall up the hotel stairs this time, so progress from London. And as I may have said, pictures or it didn’t happen.

The idea was to take the traditional camp boxing picture near Gormley’s sculpture in Victoria Square (which is a lovely public space by the way).



But we weren’t out that way in the evening, and were too hung over to be bothered on Thursday morning. So here’s me waiting to batter fuck out the baldy fella in the hotel room. I’m limp wristedly holding the CP’s scarf for added campness.



Mo never turned up again, fucking coward.

Seeing as the shoes picture went down so well from the London review, here’s what I was wearing in Brum.



This outfit would suggest I’m Grayson Perry, but it isn’t true.



FIN

Another winner!!

Most diverting Crownybhoy.

Really nice review

You've inspired me to do a review of my own cultural extravaganza from last night

Watch this space

Excellent review, Licker, although a bit wordy.

Your excuses for not admitting the iPhone is the best product of its kind are getting increasingly limp.

But I'm really impressed that you could stick two days in birmingham, and persuade someone else to stick two days there with you.

Remember, less is more.

PS your companion may be right about the futility of your homoerotic obsession with a poster you've never met beyond a messageboard.

Nice shoes though.

Cheers immo.

Fuck, don't post your review on this thread immo, it will show up what a talentless cunt I am, I can't compete with a genius.

Not a fan of Brum mo? I love the place.

Don't you ever work Licker?

Longer hours than you piss pants.